My Blind Date Went Blind!

By Virginia Vitzthum.

What you see is what you get: Fifty-two bizarre but true first-person tales of dates gone horribly wrong. Dates with the kind of girl who casually mentions that she’d signed up for eHarmony and filled out the personality profile and that they’d given her her money back. A date with a woman who allows that she once made seven thousand dollars by letting a dude punch her in the face, then cashed in an additional twelve thousand by selling the videotape as a porno. Another girl is agreeable enough, except for a very dark grey front tooth, which went unmentioned by the couple’s matchmaker, one of many blind date offenses enumerated by Vitzthum.

Of course, it’s not just guys who have rotten luck with the opposite sex. One woman describes her blind date as a Muppet of a pimp. Another recounts her date abruptly announcing that his stepfather was a murderer—and turns out to be a stalker in his own right. And a Boston woman admits that one of her dates never even got out of his car, shouting “I can’t find parking, and I’m not attracted to you!” before speeding away.

As for the title vignette, it comes courtesy of Audrey T., who relates how her from-out-of-town dinner date suddenly exclaimed “I can’t see!” just before the arrival of the check. While his temporary blindness compelled Audrey to pay the bill, one can argue that she came out ahead in the long run. After all, her “My blind date went blind!” story is good for a lifetime.